Gorgeous Forties

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Here is a poem by Maya Angelou called Phenomenal Woman, which is worth reminding ourselves about occasionally and is today's shared thought and inspiration:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Who Stole My Forties?

Recently I applied for a new passport.   Since I have travelled almost from birth, I am calculating that I must have missed a year at some point because I seem to have applied for passports at 41 and 51 years old, so must have done 21, and 31 too but don't remember those as well!   Although I can remember the studio portraits we had taken when I was 11.   And I seem to remember I was very grumpy in my 31 year-old photo because there was a strike at the passport office and I was in a hurry to visit a boyfriend in Mallorca!

The problem always arises with the photo, doesnt it?  There are very stringent rules about the photo - not too near, not too far, not too big, not too small, no glare from your glasses, no smile at least not with teeth, no one else in the photo with you (!), no hats - and on it goes.   Immediately the rebel in me emerges, but anyway I suppress it and endure the three minutes in the booth and come out with something which will serve for ID purposes only, which is a shame, as my photo when I was 41 was, well - no other word for it - gorgeous!

Receipe (?) to share

I've put this on the Three Wise Women blog because I first thought that was where it should go, coming under health and all that.

Then I thought - no it should be here as well.  Now is the time when we experience those changes in our hormone systems.  This has worked for an awful lot of women and who knows it might help you or your daughters, sisters, mothers, cousins, friends.

The trick is not to blend too much... read on

A Woman Should Have...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry ...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family ...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored ...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a feeling of control over her destiny ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to fall in love without losing herself ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... when to try harder ... and when to walk away ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... that her childhood may not have been perfect ... but its over ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... where to go ... be it to her best friend's kitchen table ... or a charming inn in the woods ... when her soul needs soothing ...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... what she can and can't accomplish in a day ... a month ... and a year ...

Pleasures of winter nights

I am so enjoying these winter evenings.  For the first time in a long time I am not studying, going to evening classes or even doing much socialising.  It's such a relief to realise that you don't have to go out on a friday night.  You will still be alive the next day and won't have lost any 'street cred'.

Addictions

Intermittently I take painkillers for something I've got wrong with me - knee pain, heel pain, toothache.  And immediately I feel better, so I stop taking them and the pain comes back.   Or doesn't.   Depending.   This morning it occurred to me what a miracle this was, and that one need never feel pain again.

Now, depending on how you look at it, that's not a good thing.   As it says on the packaging when you take it, if pain persists consult your doctor.   So pain is telling us something about our bodies and nagging pain is a reminder to do something about it.

And sitting there and enjoying a pain-free moment (toothache) it occurred to me, apart from the fact that I need to book in to see the dentist, how easy it would be to become hooked on painkillers.

You often read in the papers about people who are addicted to food/booze/shopping/drugs/alcohol etc. and I have been vaguely aware of people addicted to various over the counter drugs without really thinking about it.   And then I did.   And then I saw how seductive it would be to be "pain free" and how that could be emotional pain as well as physical pain.   And then you could find yourself in a fog. Permanently.   And it would start of being great, and then suddenly it wouldn't be quite so great.   Hmm.

Of course, the reverse is often true too.   I know people who won't take a painkiller for fear of becoming addicted!   And generally that's not a risk, I'm sure.

But what I noticed this morning was the the tablet I took in the middle of the night for my tooth miraculously made my knees and foot better too.   It's a miracle, I'm healed!   I know some of this seems obvious now that I think about it, but some things you have to learn by thinking them through and discovering them for yourself.   And this is one such thing.

It's useful to have thoughts which make you realise how other people may feel, and how they might get themselves into circumstances which previously I couldn't have got my head around.   It allows compassion and perhaps understanding and connects us to our fellow man in a way which may become useful in the fullness of time.

Manners maketh .....

Oh dear, after re-reading this I might, to some, sound more like a grumpy old fart rather than a gorgeous forty.  There is, however a serious point to this blog.  Apart from that "this time, it's personal...".  What is it that I am hesitating about getting to the point of well it's Thank you letters.

Making Time for What's Really Important

I received one of those poems in my e-mail today, you know the sort you are obliged to send on to at least ten other people within three hours of reading it?   And then it occurred to me that a blog is a great way of sharing the sentiments of the poem with a lot more than ten people. Here it is.   I hope you enjoy it.

What's Your Real Age?

I took this rather marvellous online quiz at www.RealAge.com and it let me know that rather than 51.5 years old which I actually am, it considers that I am only 48.4, a whole 3.1 years younger!   Whoopee!

To what does it attibute my youthful edge, when in fact I push my luck with my weight?

Well, its all in the...

My Desert Island Selections - Part 1

Marion Ryan says:

Well how spooky is that?  I was driving home from somewhere last Sunday, singing along to a song on a CD compilation of very old songs.  What was the song?  "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap!  You'd have to be a Gorgeous Forty to remember when that came out.

Suddenly I realised I was crying and God, it felt good.  It made me wonder what songs other Gorgeous Forties remember with such fondness that hearing them again after so many years would make them cry.

And the spooky bit was Jane Tilton blogging the very next day about Desert Island Discs (see below) which requires the week's guest to choose their top eight pieces of music (and books, Jane?) and Claire Raikes picking up on the idea and wanting to share her favourites too.

So how great would it be to share, perhaps, what we'd take to a desert island with us - our top 5 books, top 5 pieces of music and our one luxury item...

You Know You Need to Change Your Career When...

Anne Walsh says:

1. You fantasise about working in a tollbooth on the M50

2. The highlights of the day are tea breaks and lunchtime.

3. You know you have said all this before but you can’t remember when.

4. You keep ringing the talking clock because you know the clock in work is slow by a few hours.

5. You go to work and when you return home you have no memory of what happened in between.

6. You wonder what the new person at work is so enthusiastic about.

7. You volunteer to do the photocopying for everyone.

8. You wish your customers would leave you alone…they always seem to want something.

9. You pretend to be on the dole when people ask you what you do.

10. You create a calendar that shows how many days you have until retirement.

Getting Yer Bumps Felt

Judith Morgan says:

Well, I said to Wise Jane at our last meeting for our Your Best Year Yet work we do together, "I'm thinking of getting some acupuncture" and she said "you don't want to do that, get some cranial sacral therapy".   So I did.   Some say that if Wise Jane told me to jump off a high building, I would!   And I would give it some serious consideration because she has, after all, had alternative care of my proactive health and wellbeing for - what, Jane?   Fifteen years?   At least.

My Desert Island Dilemma

Jane Tilton says:

Or a side effect of the menopause?   

I try to convince myself that I am a deep, complex, cultured woman with a wide and varied interest in the arts and life. 

But I am always caught out.

Like me I expect you have all worked out exactly which 8 records you would take onto your desert island when you are asked.  For those outside the UK, there is a programme called Desert Island Discs on BBC Radio 4 where each week a guest is invited to say which eight records (songs) they'd take with them if they were thus stranded on a desert island.  And then the crunch...one luxury item they would absolutely not wish to be without.

Surely I'm Too Young for the Big M?

Marion Ryan says:

Claire posted the other day about the menopause and though I still find this all a bit "nudge nudge wink wink", in our forties it's certainly a lot more relevant than it used to be.  And we're at an interesting age.  Some of us still getting pregnant, aligning ourselves with the younger generation, others getting menopausal and confronting our old(er) age.

I'm not an expert myself even though I think I'm three quarters of the way through it.  I was interested though to find the answer to Claire's question: surely I'm too young to be menopausal? 

Here's what I found out...

Has fashion gone mad?

Do you remember at school, going though the dictionary, looking up rude words?

The last time I did that was actually not that long ago. The word in question was 'merkin' which I learnt was a pubic wig. Of course, this beggars the question, "er... why?!" Anyway, thought you might be interested to know what showed up on the catwalk this season... what do you think? Has fashion gone mad?!

The M Word

I imagine that most other Gorgeous Forties have had at least one child. I haven't. Of course, there's still time... ish. Whereas when I was younger I used to cry when I got my period each month, these days, I thank the Universe.

My cycle has always been pretty erratic - two periods a month, so a 14 day cycle for a good many years.  But I've been on a fairly consistent 28 day cycle for the last 10 years or so.  Then about 3 or 4 months ago, it started to change to 26, then 24,  23 - I have to say I did start to panic mildly. I reframed it as 'more opportunities to get pregnant' but given that we only have an infinite number of eggs, I wasn't really convinced.   But this month - it's back up to 26 days.  Naturally, I'm hoping that next month will see it back to 28.  It's exactly 7 days to my 40th birthday so it would be pretty young for the menopause to be starting... wouldn't it?

I apologise if the M word is too sensitive a subject to be blogging about, but surely I can't be the only blogger here at Gorgeous Forties to be preoccupied by my menstrual cycle?

Everyone Hurts These Days

Being a victim is the thing to be these days. It's the place where you can complain about being "hurt" (like the Garda Commissioner on publication of a report that lambasted them for corruption, incompetence and general mismanagement...PLLLEASSE!).

It's the place where you get lots of sympathy for what you have suffered, where you are not encouraged to move on and transform what you have learned for the benefit of others. It's the place where you are encouraged to tell your story over and over and wallow in your suffering.

I think acknowledging our misery and pain is important, but then we need to take responsibility, stop looking for someone to blame and MOVE ON. Let's face it, most of us have people in our lives who seem to be constantly in victim mode...no matter where they go or what they do. If it was raining gold, they'd complain they got bruised by a big nugget.

Spoilers

Jane Tilton says:

Spoilers are those who use dinner parties as cheap therapy sessions.  This tale was first told to me last week in a 'breakfast meeting' with one of my best friends.  This is actually tea and bacon sarnies in the local cafe, a great chance to chat up and entertain all the builders who are in for their breakfasts.

Girlfriends

Passed to me by my friend, Aly, and with no author's name intact so I'm afraid I can't acknowledge her.

Time passes
Life happens
Distance separates
Children grow up
Jobs come and go
Love waxes and wanes
Men don’t call when they say they will
Hearts break
Parents die
Colleagues forget favours
Careers end

BUT

Girlfriends are there
No matter how much time
And how many miles
Are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away
Than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and
You have to walk it by yourself
Your girlfriends will be on the valley’ rim
Cheering you on
Praying for you, pulling for you
Intervening on your behalf
And waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.
Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you
Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law
Mother, mother-in-law, aunties, nieces, cousins and extended family

Bless our life

The world would not be the same without them, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood we had no idea of the
Incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other

Or that every day we need each other still.

Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind don’t matter
And those who matter, don’t mind.

What Price a Good Friend?

Chatting with Marion earlier, as is my wont, with her chastisting me for not blogging, as is her wont, I was telling her the story of my friends D & J who moved house this week.   As an experienced mover of many, many times all my life, moving house for me is - relatively speaking - a piece of cake, which just happens to be also what I am eating as I write this little story for you.

And knowing me as they do, D & J relied on me for lots of tips and advice throughout the whole process.